Ginuary 19th: Monkey Taxonomy.

Tonight I had the good fortune of taking myself out to Salon Lounge in Teneriffe. The cocktail menu there is something worth pouring over, as it ranges from basic cocktails through improved martinis through liquid nitrogen. Forty-three pages of joy, wonder and alcohol (well, forty-two – the last page is mocktails). Salon has a house cocktail – two, actually (they’re brothers) – and as soon as I read that the base was Beefeater 24, I knew I’d come to the right place.

Monkey Taxonomy

Gin, grenadine glaze, blood orange juice, absinthe. . . secrets.


Salon Lounge’s spin on the classic Monkey Gland cocktail, allegedly named for the surgical technique performed by Dr Serge Voronoff that may or may not have involved (note: it did) grafting monkey testicle tissue to human testicles “for longevity”.


Ginuary 19th: Monkey Taxonomy.

Yes, that is a surgical glove, filled with a delicious cocktail.

Unfortunately I can’t tell you what’s in the Monkey Taxonomy, or I’d have to kill you. That’s not entirely true, but that’s what I took away as I watched Joseph work cocktail magic in front of me. I may be easily impressed, but anyone who can freepour (without needing to measure amounts) is a wizard, as far as I’m concerned.

Salon on Urbanspoon

Salon Lounge: 5A/110 Macquarie St, Teneriffe.

Salon Lounge: 5A/110 Macquarie St, Teneriffe.

Salon Lounge

Tres chic.

Salon offers a piece of chic European opulence tucked away in the suburban landscape of Teneriffe, with an elegant deep rich interior and lush al fresco dining areas. Salon delivers fine cuisine, an extensive wine list and a classically sculptured cocktail list.

Whether you’re after an intimate dining experience, or just a relaxing drink with friends, Salon is the destination you’re looking for.


I love love love Salon's feature wall.

Salon Lounge


This is what we’re really here for, isn’t it? Bols Genever, Hendricks, Plymouth, … Plymouth Navy Strength?, Plymouth Sloe, Martin Miller’s, Bombay Sapphire, Tanqueray, Tanq Ten, Beefeater, … Beefeater 24? And I think that’s it. Not too shabby.


Dropper usage.

Using a bottle with a dropper is a rad way to add a drop of something. Where can I get these? There goes the grenadine.


Nice skillz.

Joseph and Dan share bartending duties at Salon, and both get a say in what goes on the drinks menu that Dustin (the owner) puts together. The menu’s just recently been tweaked a little here and there – the Monkey Taxonomy is actually a new addition to the Salon stable, created by Dustin. It replaces the Monkey Gland Hand, which was a similar kooky twist/”improvement” on the Monkey Gland. Many reviews you’ll find online mention the Hand. I was pretty stoked to get to try the new kid on the block!


Blurred vision.

Into the glove.

The level of detail that goes into the presentation of a cocktail at a bar really makes me sit up and appreciate what I’m being served. It’s something that I’ll probably never be bothered to do at home, firstly because I’m challenged enough by doing everything in the right order and remembering to add a garnish at all.

Salon Lounge's Monkey Taxonomy

Monkey Taxonomy, served up.

See what I mean? KILLER PRESENTATION. My cocktail was inside a surgical glove. I was provided with surgical scissors to extract said cocktail from glove into standard drinking glass full of one enormous hulk of ice and a creepy frozen plum. I was both intrigued and a little bit afraid. Joseph snipped off the thumb and applied the insides liberally to the glass.

Monkey Taxonomy

Sweet, kooky and delicious.

 I had no need to fear. The Monkey Taxonomy was super tasty, giving plenty of throwback to the original Monkey Gland flavours but adding an extra sweetness and a much bolder red colouring. The plum kept smushing against my nose and the more it melted the funnier it was, but you can use a straw to avoid this. I just… didn’t.

Note: when drinking the Monkey Taxonomy, try not to think about surgical procedures. That’s a pretty decent blood red colouring going on right there, isn’t it? CREEPY. SPECTACULAR.

Joseph was kind enough to humour me with conversation largely focused on gin – luckily (for both of us) it happened to be his favourite spirit, too. In Joseph I found another person to add to my growing list of Negroni Enablers. You guys mean business!

I’ll definitely be back to visit Salon Lounge in the near future – there are at least a dozen other drinks in that menu I need to try. Yes, need. They also do dinner… but with a cocktail menu like Salon’s, who wants to waste space filling up on food?

Salon Lounge